Rule #1 You can't always be prepared.

As time is winding down...I'm beginning to realize certain things. I've grown up being a girl scout, a little secret I don't tell most people. It's kind of embarrassing, but hey I did make one hell of a cookie salesman... but that's not the point. In girl scouts, they teach you rule#1: Always be prepared.
As a girl scout you're supposed to prepare yourself for the worst...accidents like scrapes,cuts, bruises..all that jazz. But what they never actually prepare you for is what happens when the actual WORST comes?

something like depression? suicide? heartbreak?... No one can really be prepared for that..

I got an email from a dear friend of mine mentioning his recent break up. He had definitely open his heart to this girl, and was in fact in love with her, but she didn't reciprocate the feelings, and felt God was not calling her to be in the relationship anymore. It seems like this has been an apparent trend in a lot of relationships these days..couples that I thought were going to soon "tie the knot" end up separating ways.

I'm very cynical about relationships, this is probably due to the fact that my parents are divorced. But a lot of families have divorced parents.."mine were different" but every family has their own issues and dysfunctional-ness. But that's also probably why people think I have commitment issues, or think I'll never be in a relationship again..but honestly, I think I'm just like everyone else...afraid to be the one that gets left behind at the end of the day..but like everyone else in another sense, I'm also rooting for some relationships out there.. I want these couples to prove me wrong. Please don't mistaken me for a complete debbie downer/negative nancy.

But, I'm also not afraid to be alone, I think that's what most people fear the most. I'm content with the family and friends I have, without finding the need to jump into a relationship and pour my heart and time into someone who may or may not reciprocate those feelings. And in so many ways, seeing how relationships are, I feel like I have so much going on in my life without having to add another person in my life to worry about, that and the fact that I wouldn't be mentally prepared for it. I'm also not afraid of being alone because, I don't think I'm ever really alone- because in all honesty I have God. If I have to remember a time when I was ever really an completely utterly alone, I can tell you I was probably not looking for God, and it was probably the worst feelings I've ever had to endure.

While I'll be halfway around the globe, I started to think about all this-what started off as an entry about thinking about what to pack to consoling a friend on heartache to my own issues with relationships and such. But it all comes down to this.. "Did I pack everything I need?" "Did I leave behind what needs to be left? and "did I take with me everything that I need?" Take it as you will.

But I guess you can never REALLY be prepared for anything. I wish they had taught me that in girl scouts instead.