MOVED

sorry...I've kept you all in the dark.

I've joined tumblr, and have been using tumblr.

http://url1lmissy.tumblr.com/

Write NOW!

I feel bad for my blog..I've definitely neglected it during my months in Shanghai. I wish I could have filled it with the many epic stories and food adventures that I got to experience, but due to technical difficulties...I didn't get to it.

Here's to posts to come, here in Socal.

I'm just going to write this now......so that I'll actually start!

write right now!

The Day We Both Dreaded

finally came. Now with swollen eyes, I'm back to square one. We'll have to see where fate takes us.

Broken- Lifehouse

"Broken"

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

Expectations

Coming to China, there were so many things I anticipated and expected. But being here, there are so many more things-some planned and some surprisingly unexpected that have happened. Of course...I expected my Chinese to improve, to meet my dad, to be uncomfortable, homesick at times, meet new friends, make mistakes, but all in all, have great experiences. What I didn't expect was...... studying the hardest for my Chinese class, to spend as much time with my dad as I did, to make FSA as my home, to find a family, to learn from my mistakes, and finally to have the time of my life.

With all this said, I can also say, I never expected things back home to steer the wrong direction. My heart breaks, hearing news from home. I never expected things back home to be as bad as they are or to even hear the news of death. I can only hope that God is watching over my loved ones, and that He'll take care of them in due time. I feel so broken, but even though at times I feel like China is a black hole, God has managed to surround me with love and support. I manage to find God in the people I meet and the unexpected situations He's placed me in.

After going to my first bible study since being here, I got to meet others who were feeling as broken as I was these past couple weeks. One woman gave me this passage and I took it to heart. It was a promise God said to Jeremiah:

'If you stay in this land, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you, for I am grieved over the disaster I have inflicted on you. ¹¹ Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you now fear. Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands. ¹² I will show you compassion so that he will have compassion on you and restore you to your land.'

RIP
Aunt Nancy

I miss you. see you soon.

Things I never thought I'd do...in Shanghai

I know I haven't updated in ages...especially since its almost been two whole months since I've arrived in Shanghai. I guess its safe to say that I've finally accumulated enough crazy things to make a list of things that I thought I'd never do. So..here it goes.

1. Shower a girl with my clothes on
2. Ride a Rickshaw in search to find the teddy bear man.
3. Eat all kinds of foods on sticks (skewers)
4. Sit in China's hospital and puke out IV
5. Puke in a Taxi Cab
6. Randomly fall upon the grand opening of a hotel and witness open bar and free caviar
7. Eat Lawry's Prime Rib (for the first time)
8. Go to a Jazz club
9. Miss American Fast food (In n out)
10. Take drinks from a bucket
11. KTV til 5 in the morning
12. Be addicted to sour milk (literal translation)
13. Dancing on stage
14. Joining a Gym
15. Biking outside the school walls
16. Meeting great friends
17. Falling for someone
18. Finding a church and spending Easter Sunday there
19. Having 4 day weekends
20. Teaching English at Migrant schools

the list goes on....tbc

learn my lesson.

fool me once, shame on you.
fool me twice, shame on me
fool me three times, shame on me
fool me four, five, six, and even seven..shame on me.

fool me again..and I'm done for.

A Snapshot of Shanghai

First Impressions

I think so many times I'd like to think that when I first meet someone, I know right off the bat what kind of person they will turn out to be. I stick them into a category being acquaintances, friends, best friends, or even family..

While being here, I've realized that first impressions are not everything. If we all stuck to our first impressions, we'd never dig hard enough to find the gold underneath. In so many ways, I see this in the new friendships I've been blessed to make here. And the same goes for the first impressions made of me..or as I've been told, I may look like a "sorority girl" but looks can be deceiving and I definitely proved them wrong once I opened my mouth. ;)

God Answers prayers

I may have spoke too soon about Shanghai.

All I can say is..God is good. No, scratch that HE is Great.
Everywhere I turn, I've found good company and help everywhere I go. I'm so thankful for all the support and encouragement that I've been getting from my family and friends. Seriously..I don't think I would have survived these past few days without them.

Thanks for all the prayers and the emails.

Welcome to Shanghai

Let's see...where to begin?

My new home for the next 6 months or so and already I feel like I'm being tested with patience. My biggest pet peeve is coming to life. I hate rude, impatient and dirty people. Yet, here I am surrounded by it.
Lessons learned/ still in the process of learning from Shanghai:

1. There is no such thing as personal space.
People just walk up inches to your face. It gets even better on the subways....
2. Covering your mouth when you cough/sneeze does not exist
Oh how I love walking into your snot/spit.
3. Patience is SERIOUSLY a virtue.
People hate waiting here, so much in fact that they totally dismiss the fact that I'm waiting..right in front of them.
4. They LOVE to stare.
Yes, I DO see you.
5. Be Aggressive, be be aggressive
Otherwise...no one will listen/acknowledge/see you.
6. I don't understand chinese with weird accents
(that isn't a lesson I can really learn i suppose, I'll just have to get used to it)
7. The sleeping bag jacket is IN.
the cocoon jacket/ down jacket I bought in NY is everywhere in Shanghai, I guess I fit right in.
8. Don't drink the water.
9. Always carry around napkins
10. Thank goodness for hand sanitizer.
11. Bikers seem to always have the right of way.
12. UCI VPN FTW
facebook,youtube, and my blog are blocked.
(thanks to Timmy, uci vpn saved my life!...my blog works now!)

Don't get me wrong, there have been upsides, the food is amazing and its just as cheap as everyone raves. I'm loving the no tip, no tax. The taxis are pretty cheap, and so are the bootleg dvds...
I love the city, the shopping, the metro, and my mom. My mom is the best travel buddy I could have asked for. She really is charming, we've managed to get free dinner from the many connections she has..and When people are rude, I get mad, she just let's them go ahead of us. I'm torn between throwing something at them and yelling at them in the broken Chinese that I have but she decides to just let them go, they're in a bigger rush anyway" I can't imagine what it'll be like when she leaves..which is in a couple days.
I hope things look up..I need them to.

Baking Love

'

Rule #1 You can't always be prepared.

As time is winding down...I'm beginning to realize certain things. I've grown up being a girl scout, a little secret I don't tell most people. It's kind of embarrassing, but hey I did make one hell of a cookie salesman... but that's not the point. In girl scouts, they teach you rule#1: Always be prepared.
As a girl scout you're supposed to prepare yourself for the worst...accidents like scrapes,cuts, bruises..all that jazz. But what they never actually prepare you for is what happens when the actual WORST comes?

something like depression? suicide? heartbreak?... No one can really be prepared for that..

I got an email from a dear friend of mine mentioning his recent break up. He had definitely open his heart to this girl, and was in fact in love with her, but she didn't reciprocate the feelings, and felt God was not calling her to be in the relationship anymore. It seems like this has been an apparent trend in a lot of relationships these days..couples that I thought were going to soon "tie the knot" end up separating ways.

I'm very cynical about relationships, this is probably due to the fact that my parents are divorced. But a lot of families have divorced parents.."mine were different" but every family has their own issues and dysfunctional-ness. But that's also probably why people think I have commitment issues, or think I'll never be in a relationship again..but honestly, I think I'm just like everyone else...afraid to be the one that gets left behind at the end of the day..but like everyone else in another sense, I'm also rooting for some relationships out there.. I want these couples to prove me wrong. Please don't mistaken me for a complete debbie downer/negative nancy.

But, I'm also not afraid to be alone, I think that's what most people fear the most. I'm content with the family and friends I have, without finding the need to jump into a relationship and pour my heart and time into someone who may or may not reciprocate those feelings. And in so many ways, seeing how relationships are, I feel like I have so much going on in my life without having to add another person in my life to worry about, that and the fact that I wouldn't be mentally prepared for it. I'm also not afraid of being alone because, I don't think I'm ever really alone- because in all honesty I have God. If I have to remember a time when I was ever really an completely utterly alone, I can tell you I was probably not looking for God, and it was probably the worst feelings I've ever had to endure.

While I'll be halfway around the globe, I started to think about all this-what started off as an entry about thinking about what to pack to consoling a friend on heartache to my own issues with relationships and such. But it all comes down to this.. "Did I pack everything I need?" "Did I leave behind what needs to be left? and "did I take with me everything that I need?" Take it as you will.

But I guess you can never REALLY be prepared for anything. I wish they had taught me that in girl scouts instead.

I LIKE THIS SONG.

DAYLIGHT

we cut the legs off of our pants
threw our shoes into the ocean
sit back and wave through the daylight
sit back and wave through the daylight

slip and slide on subway grates
these shoes are poor mans ice skates
fall through like change in the daylight
fall through like change in the daylight

i miss yellow lines in my roads
some color on monochrome
maybe i’ll paint them in myself
maybe i’ll paint them in myself

these sidewalks liquid then stone
building walls and an old pay phone
it rings like all through the daylight
it rings like all through the daylight

chorus
and in the daylight we can hitchhike to maine
i hope that someday i’ll see without these frames
and in the daylight i don’t pick up my phone
cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home

I have five clocks in my life
and only one has the time right
i’ll just unplug it for today
ill just unplug it for today

open hydrant rolled down windows
this car might make a good old boat
and float down grand street in daylight
and float down grand street in daylight

and with just half of a sunburn
new yellow lines that i earned
step back and here comes the night time
step back and here comes the night time

chorus
and in the daylight we can hitchhike to maine
i hope that someday i’ll see without these frames
and in the daylight i don’t pick up my phone
cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home

Love Songs for that day

but if you're not in that place...



and how can i forget..and oldy but goody

Dedicated to Don

This entry has been way past overdue.

Finding Who We Are- Kutless
In You we're living
In You we're moving
In You we're finding who we are

And I worship You
Father of lights, spirit of truth
And I worship You
Jesus, we call on You
Yes we call on You

We come to worship with our voices
And know the love within Your skies
We lift our hands and seek Your presence
And find ourselves in who You are


Long ago, when I was a quirky high schooler, I loved listening to this song. I think Don reminded me it was time I brought a part of that quirky high schooler back. Possibly when I'm in Shanghai, this song will help me find some comfort and bring that nutty girl back.

Saturday Mornings

Another way to see it.

A Solution for Holes.

After facing a day of unwanted arguments over small buildups, having someone list off everything you could possibly suck at, and ending the night on the phone in tears...its safe to say that through it all, you will always find comfort in some shape or form...or body.

Tonight..I found it through many shapes and many bodies. But of them all, I learned that while I may ALWAYS be late, have commitment issues, being non-confrontational, or being passive aggressive....that being sorry for all these things is useless. A very old friend of mine has given me some advice- which I will choose to take a piece of. I want to make sorry an action verb, instead of saying it-I want to show it.

On a side note

"Listen carefully...because I'm only going to tell you everyday..I love you."

Thank you for the rain

It must be because of the side effects of being sick, the weather, or having finally finished this korean drama. But in any case, I've started having this sinking feeling inside. It just hit me like a slap in the face, in less than a month... I'll be across the country.

I know everyone says it'll be a good experience, which I completely agree with. No doubt about it. I just know that in 6/7 months-a lot of things will be different. I'll be missing graduations, weddings, birthdays. I know it'll fly, but not being there for all those celebrations makes me feel kind of sad for not being able to be there. I'll definitely miss disneyland, late night boba runs, random adventures, poker nights, silent library, basketball games, korean dramas, mama's cooking, movie nights.....

As much as it seems like I'm fine about going, I have to suck it up. Its like the rain...Everyone hates wet socks and this "terrible weather" but I secretly love it. I love rain every once in a while, it makes you appreciate the sunshine way more. I mean...without the rain, how can you miss the sun?

Two Versions of the Same Thing

You're Beautiful-Phil Wickham



You're Beautiful- Korean Drama



both of which I'm very addicted to...

Food for Thought

Russian Hamburgers:
eggs. ground beef. onions. bread w/o the crusts





Duck Fried Rice

Turkey&Provolone Pannini