Broken- Lifehouse

"Broken"

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

Expectations

Coming to China, there were so many things I anticipated and expected. But being here, there are so many more things-some planned and some surprisingly unexpected that have happened. Of course...I expected my Chinese to improve, to meet my dad, to be uncomfortable, homesick at times, meet new friends, make mistakes, but all in all, have great experiences. What I didn't expect was...... studying the hardest for my Chinese class, to spend as much time with my dad as I did, to make FSA as my home, to find a family, to learn from my mistakes, and finally to have the time of my life.

With all this said, I can also say, I never expected things back home to steer the wrong direction. My heart breaks, hearing news from home. I never expected things back home to be as bad as they are or to even hear the news of death. I can only hope that God is watching over my loved ones, and that He'll take care of them in due time. I feel so broken, but even though at times I feel like China is a black hole, God has managed to surround me with love and support. I manage to find God in the people I meet and the unexpected situations He's placed me in.

After going to my first bible study since being here, I got to meet others who were feeling as broken as I was these past couple weeks. One woman gave me this passage and I took it to heart. It was a promise God said to Jeremiah:

'If you stay in this land, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you, for I am grieved over the disaster I have inflicted on you. ¹¹ Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you now fear. Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands. ¹² I will show you compassion so that he will have compassion on you and restore you to your land.'

RIP
Aunt Nancy

I miss you. see you soon.